RABBI GREG ALEXANDER, Consider This
Nowadays, many couples preparing for their wedding ask me if the bride needs to take her husband’s surname. There is often a sensitive backstory to this question.
At a moment of transition and great joy, there may be family pressure or assumptions that the bride will take the groom’s family name. At the same time, owing to professional reasons, or progressive preferences, the couple may well prefer not to change or to take a different surname, the bride’s last name or a double-barrelled combination. Whatever one decides, it is always a good idea to sit together and talk through your feelings about this decision and who it might impact and how.
In terms of the legal implications, there are two authorities that affect this question: South African law and Jewish law. Let me deal with each in turn.
In terms of South African law, there are two Acts that govern marriage, unions and partnerships in this country. The Marriage Act (1961) governs marriages between opposite-sex couples, and the Civil Union Act (2006) for any couple seeking legal partnership of any kind. Under the Marriage Act, a bride is asked what surname she wants to take at her wedding. She can keep her surname, take her groom’s surname, or go for a double-barrelled option. A groom is not asked and cannot change his surname under the Marriage Act. (He can do this by approaching Home Affairs, but that is outside of the Marriage Act.) A couple marrying/partnering under the Civil Union Act can each keep, adapt or change their surname.
In terms of Jewish law, there is a much older tradition than surnames – which are a relatively new invention (well, ‘relatively’ in the context of a religion that goes back 4000 years), dating back to the Middle Ages, 11th or 12th Century. As European societies grew out of tiny villages into larger towns, Roger the butcher or John from Hamburg or Richard’s son Ian became Roger Butcher, John Hamburger and Ian Richardson – and their children followed suit. Surnames began from what you (the man in all cases) did, where you lived or came from, or who your parents were.
In the Jewish world, there was a much longer tradition of identifying people by their parents. I am Gidon ben Pinchas v’Chanah because my name includes the fact that I am the son of Pinchas (my dad) and Chanah (my mom). Some Sephardic Jews have surnames going back to Spain in the 15th Century, but for Ashkenazi Jews, it is only when it became expected or compulsory for taxation or other civil reasons that this was introduced in the last 300-400 years.
At that stage, Jews, like their non-Jewish neighbours, began to take surnames by parents, jobs or places, so Cohen or Mendelsohn is obvious, but also Abramovitch (son of Avram) and Isikowitz (son of Yitzchak), and Kessler (son of Kessel) were chosen along with Unger (from Hungary), Gordon (from Grodno) or Deutsch (from Germany), as well as Schneider (the tailor) or Sandler (the shoemaker). Interestingly, some women were significant enough to have their children or husbands take their names, like Chaiken – son of Chaikeh; Edelman – husband of Edel or Gittelman – husband of Gitl. Did you know that Asch is probably someone from either Aisenshtadt, Altshul or Amsterdam?
At no point was there any halachic (Jewish legal) imperative to take a surname or to choose a particular surname, other than following the civil requirements of the place where you lived.
With that in mind, the short answer to my couples is that under Jewish law and South African law (whether you are marrying under the Marriage Act or the Civil Unions Act), a bride is free to choose. The longer answer is to spend time sensitively thinking through your choices with each other as a couple and discussing them with your family so that everyone is aware of why you are making the choices you are. ●
Temple Israel www.templeisrael.co.za
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