It’s never too early to teach your child about healthy relationships. In fact, you’ve likely been doing it all along—when you encouraged your toddler to say “please” and “thank you,” you were already teaching kindness and respect.
Your own relationships also serve as a powerful model. When you treat your children, partner, and friends in healthy, respectful ways, your child learns how to interact with others. Unfortunately, children can also learn from negative experiences. When exposed to violence at home, they are more likely to find themselves in unhealthy relationships later in life.
The best time to start talking about healthy relationships is before your child begins dating. Early conversations can help them recognize what to expect in a romantic partner and what behaviours to avoid. Try asking open-ended questions to guide the discussion. For example:
What makes a healthy relationship?
- Both people feel respected, supported, and valued
- Decisions are made together
- Each person maintains their own friendships and interests
- Disagreements are resolved with honest, calm communication
- There are more good times than bad
What makes a relationship unhealthy?
- One person tries to control or change the other
- One person makes all the decisions
- One or both partners become isolated from friends or hobbies
- There is yelling, threatening, hitting, or destruction of property during arguments
- One partner mocks or belittles the other’s opinions or interests
- Constant tracking, calling, or checking in on the other person
- More bad times than good
Above all, maintaining a respectful and supportive relationship with your child builds trust and makes it easier to talk about difficult subjects like dating and safety. Adolescents in unhealthy relationships may have many excuses to try to explain the hurtful parts of the relationship. If you see any of these signs, talk to your adolescent.
As children grow into teens, they seek more independence—but they still need clear boundaries and guidance. Discuss practical expectations, such as:
- Are friends allowed over when adults aren’t home?
- Can your teen go on a date with someone you haven’t met?
- Can your child contact you if they ever feel unsafe and need help?
Maintaining a respectful and supportive relationship with your adolescent lays the foundation for open, honest communication. When your child feels heard and valued, it becomes easier to talk about important topics like healthy relationships, dating and staying safe, helping them navigate this stage of life with confidence and trust.
Written by Rhita Russon – Social Worker
If you or your child need support, contact JCS 021 462 5520 or info@jcs.org.za
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