We at Nechama have been asked some very interesting questions, many of which we’d like to share with you. This is in order to better understand our organisation and the services we offer.
What is the Nechama Organisation?
Nechama is a volunteer-based community organisation which provides comfort and support to those in the Cape Town Jewish Community who have experienced a bereavement, assisting clients in adjusting to their changed circumstances, the ‘new norm.’
Why special bereavement counselling?
Although bereavement is a sorrowful and sometimes tragic experience, receiving counselling with specific emphasis on the emotion of grief and the dynamics around it assists us in accepting our loss and to realise that the future does await us.
Why Jewish bereavement counselling?
Judaism holds time-honoured practices that prepare us to receive consolation, i.e. burial, shiva, shloshim, kaddish, etc. Added to this, trained counsellors of similar backgrounds to the bereaved can often relate to these and other Jewish milestones, i.e. Yom Tovim or Yahrzeits. In this way, the counsellor can assist the client to live through the grief; however, the counsellors do not provide spiritual counselling.
What kind of training is involved?
Extensive training of each individual is involved, and this includes:
• A personal growth group
• A communication and counselling skills course
• A bereavement training counselling skills course
• Aside from this, we have a Jewish bereavement module. Although this process is a very enriching one for the individual, it does not automatically make them a new counsellor. A candidate would then have to be approved by a selection committee. The process could take a period of up to two years.
• Additional monthly supervision groups facilitated by a psychologist
• Attending in-service training and workshops on various relevant topics.
What exactly do we offer the public?
The range of services includes:
A telephone outreach service to the recently bereaved families
Individual one-on-one counselling by trained, skilled and supervised counsellors at a time or place mutually agreed on
Palliative care counselling
Public lectures and group lectures, i.e. workshops for organisations, Jewish and non-Jewish
• Seminars
• Mental health workshops
• Training groups:
– Personal growth and self-development courses
– Communication and counselling skills courses
– Bereavement counselling skills course
– Outreach and training for other organisations, e.g. Abundant Life at Victoria Hospital.
Support groups on offer
• Grief Support Group
• Adult Children of Ailing Parents
• Bereaved Partners Support Group
• Support Group for those with ailing loved ones.
How Is Nechama Different from Lifeline?
Lifeline is a generic organisation dealing with a broad variety of life issues. Nechama specialises in Jewish bereavement and palliative care counselling only.
What’s the Procedure for Getting Help?
We receive a monthly list of Jewish bereavements in Cape Town from the Chevra Kadisha (UOS) and the Progressive Hebrew Congregation. Each bereaved person on these lists then receives a call of condolence with an offer to receive counselling with trained counsellors. If there are additional family members who require an outreach call, please bring it to our attention: they too will receive a call and offer of counselling.
After a bereavement, we respect the shiva week and often there are families around the bereaved to support them. Also, there are many practicalities to deal with at that time. This can be when a well-meaning friend or family member calls Nechama as they are concerned, but it is still too early for the bereaved to accept counselling, as the loss is too overwhelming.
The bereaved who accept our services are counselled for an average of six sessions with additional sessions to be negotiated between counsellor and client.
What guarantee do I have of privacy and confidentiality?
Confidentiality is a priority. By necessity, our counsellors receive ongoing supervision because of the nature of the work they do, but names are never used in these sessions.
Everyone who works for Nechama is bound by a confidentiality agreement.
What Is the Cost Involved?
There is absolutely no cost involved to the client: however, being a volunteer organisation we are dependent on donations from both the family and the broader community.
Highway 109 (Anonymous)
They said he’d run the light
That caused the six-car pileup
On 109 that night.
When broken bodies lay about
And blood was everywhere,
The sirens screamed out eulogies,
For death was in the air.
A mother, trapped inside her car,
Was heard above the noise;
Her plaintive plea near split the air:
Oh, God, please spare my boys!
She fought to loose her pinned hands;
She struggled to get free,
But mangled metal held her fast
In grim captivity.
Her frightened eyes then focused
On where the back seat once had been,
But all she saw was broken glass and
Two children’s seats crushed in.
Her twins were nowhere to be seen;
She did not hear them cry,
And then she prayed they’d been thrown free,
Oh, God, don’t let them die!
Then firemen came and cut her loose,
But when they searched the back,
They found therein no little boys,
But the seat belts were intact..
They thought the woman had gone mad
And was traveling alone,
But when they turned to question her,
They discovered she was gone.
Policemen saw her running wild
And screaming above the noise
In beseeching supplication,
Please help me find my boys!
They’re four years old and wear
blue shirts; –
Their jeans are blue to match.
One cop spoke up, They’re in my car,
And they don’t have a scratch.
They said their daddy put them there
And gave them each a cone,
Then told them both to wait for Mom
To come and take them home.
I’ve searched the area high and low,
But I can’t find their dad.
He must have fled the scene,
I guess, and that is very bad.
The mother hugged the twins
and said,
While wiping at a tear,
He could not flee the scene, you see,
For he’s been dead a year.
The cop just looked confused
and asked,
Now, how can that be true?
The boys said, Mommy, Daddy came
And left a kiss for you.
He told us not to worry
And that you would be all right,
And then he put us in this car with
The pretty, flashing light.
We wanted him to stay with us,
Because we miss him so,
But Mommy, he just hugged us tight
And said he had to go.
He said someday we’d understand
And told us not to fuss,
And he said to tell you, Mommy,
He’s watching over us.
The mother knew without a doubt
That what they spoke was true,
For she recalled their dad’s last words,
I will watch over you.
The firemen’s notes could not explain
The twisted, mangled car,
And how the three of them escaped
Without a single scar.
But on the cop’s report was scribed,
In print so very fine,
An angel walked the beat tonight
on Highway 109.
Nechma Counselling for the Bereaved
contact admin@nechama.org.za or 021 462 5520 (8h00-12h30) www.nechama.co.za
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